


Herbert's New Pet

by DracoMaleficium



Category: Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil, Tanz der Vampire - Steinman/Kunze
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-26
Updated: 2012-08-26
Packaged: 2017-11-12 22:58:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/496603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DracoMaleficium/pseuds/DracoMaleficium
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Enjolras wakes up to find himself still alive after the barricade, he starts to wish he wasn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Herbert's New Pet

**Author's Note:**

> I have no explanation for this. I was bored one day, asked my friends for some writing prompts and one of them jokingly suggested that I combine Les Mis with Tanz... I bet she wasn't expecting me to actually go ahead with it.

Enjolras opened his eyes and immediately wished he hadn’t. The sight which greeted him was by no means what the young man expected.

Not that he expected to see anything after being shot – as a proper nihilistic revolutionary, he did not believe in heaven, hell or other such nonsense, procured by the System solely to lure and enslave the blind, submissive lower classes. But he dimly suspected that should there be an afterlife of any kind, it should definitely not include any young, pale, long-haired blond men gazing down at him intently and grinning the most flashy, pointed grin Enjolras had ever seen.

“He’s awake, Papa!” exclaimed the apparition happily and clapped its hands in evident excitement.

Enjolras groaned and tried to clear some of the mist away from his brain, but the apparition refused to fade. It was still very much there, insultingly solid and leaning even closer to take a better look at him, and Enjolras could not help but wince and shudder at the sight of two sharp, pointed fangs flashing in the man’s mouth.

“And he’s still breathing!” communicated the stranger to someone out of Enjolras’s field of vision.

“Herbert, I still don’t approve of this,” came a different voice; this one was deeper, much more mature and also suspiciously strained. “You know full well I do not encourage taking scraps like that into the house. You don’t know where he’s been.”

“I do, Papa!” the stranger tore his disturbingly gleeful gaze away from Enjolras to look imploringly at the owner of the other voice. “I saved him from that tavern by the barricade over in Paris. He was so very brave and valiant, I’m sure you’d have been impressed had you only seen him. I couldn’t very well leave him there to rot beside that drunkard. And he’s so _pretty_! May I keep him, Papa? I promise I’ll look after him, feed him, walk him and everything!”

A weary sigh floated from a corner and, since the revolutionary’s mind was still rather fuzzy at the edges and preoccupied with the pain in his chest and the bizarreness of the situation, Enjolras decided dimly that it was highly insulting to sigh at him like that. Therefore, he grew determined to Take Action.

“Are you the agents of the enemies of The People?” he asked weakly, attempting to glare threateningly at his captor. “Because if you are, you will not wrench any information out of me! I’ll happily die for the Republic and the oppressed masses of France!”

The blond-haired apparition clearly did not take this solemn speech seriously; instead of threatening to torture him, as Enjolras expected all vile oppressors of The People should, it _squeed_.

“See, Papa? He’s wonderful! I’ll braid his hair and pick new clothes for him and he’ll be my playmate and I’ll teach him to dance and –“

“Oh, very well then,” acquiesced the other speaker reluctantly, as though he already knew a lost cause when he saw one. “But make sure you’ll look after him. Koukol has enough to do at the castle as it is.”

“Yes!”

The last thing Enjolras saw before he started screaming, writhing and calling for reinforcements was the young man’s mouth, the twin fangs exposed and glistening in faint candlelight, nearing on his neck.

**Author's Note:**

> And hey, guess what? My lovely friend ReveveR not only did [an illustration](http://revever.deviantart.com/gallery/?offset=72#/d3d21ye) for this cracky thing, but also drew a [sequel](http://revever.deviantart.com/gallery/?offset=72#/d3d8ce1)! Go check them out!


End file.
